by Rachel Lachmansingh
$4.99 a pack. A pack can be made of many things. Strips. Cubes. Jujubes. Who the skin belongs to—doesn’t matter. Calf, eel, girl. Girl, eel, calf. We have it all. Dried like jerky. Heard it’s good between teeth. No Sensodyne necessary. If you want, we’ll do two for one. Three for four. Six for two. Whatever deal sounds better to you. We’ll make the order fresh. Choose your desired animal (calf, eel, girl/girl, eel, calf). We’ll prepare her/it. Our skin is ethically sourced, don’t worry! You’re vegan? Vegetarian? Pescatarian? It’s Monday and you’re selectively meatless? We’ve got soy-based. Skin from root vegetables you can’t pronounce. Same principle, different outcome, $4.99 a pack. Skin’s a commodity, don’t you know? So easy to access. So easy to handle. So easy to substitute; it never really belongs to anyone (we’re community-minded). This is a much better deal than you’re thinking—don’t back out. Skin to cover. To uncover. To recover. So much to discover. Not convinced? We have testimonials. I’ll get you one. A [girl’s/eel’s/calf’s] skin is power. Don’t you know? Gave me youth; now I feel intimate. There’s so much to rectify your purchase. Still not ready? We’ll throw in a lifelong return policy. Not happy? Return for another species (I’ll suggest alligator), no charges, guaranteed satisfaction.
RACHEL LACHMANSINGH is a Guyanese-Canadian writer from Toronto. She writes mostly fiction and is currently pursuing her degree in creative writing. Her work has appeared in Minola Review, Grain Magazine, The Malahat Review, and elsewhere.
We sell skin on sale: can be found in Augur Magazine Issue 3.2.
